Why Do I Feel Like This? - An Explanation for Why You're Exhausted, Uninspired, and Apathetic (Pandemic edition)
An Intro:
As the pandemic lingers on, the vast majority of people I know (myself included!) are echoing a shared sentiment that fits somewhere in the following:
Why do I feel like this?
I’m constantly exhausted
I’m finding it hard to feel hopeful and curious.
I feel isolated, alone, and disconnected.
I feel flat, and like I haven’t felt joy in a long time
I am not sure how to plan for the future when there isn’t certainty in anything
Etc.
And, people will often reflect that they know it makes sense to feel this way (read: we’re in a pandemic). But even with “getting” that….they still feel disoriented, lost, and overwhelmed.
So what do we do?
Knowing a bit more about why we’re feeling the things we are can be helpful. So here we go:
We’re in a pandemic - yes. And that obviously carries changes and stressors. But, knowing more about what your brain is doing behind the scenes can bring new layers of understanding. And new layers of understanding normalizes the experience, helps us make sense of what we’re feeling, and are a nice reminder that nothing is wrong with you.
Key takeaway: Your body and brain are responding in very normal ways to a very-not-normal situation. And understanding more about what is going on with your brain may be useful.
This article series will outline some relational neuroscience basics to help you understand more about why you’re feeling like you’re feeling AND what to do with that knowledge.
Note: Many of the symptoms listed above are symptoms of depression. If you’re struggling, reaching out to a therapist is a GREAT thing to do. 15/10, strongly recommend. While intended to be useful, this blog does not offer content that is to be substituted for individualized evaluation and treatment. Also, this link will take you to a list of crisis lines for all over the world. If you’re in crisis, please reach out for help. It won’t always feel like this.
Why do I feel this way?
IN SHORT: YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM IS OVERLOADED. LET ME EXPLAIN.
Just like our heart beats on its own, without us thinking about it, there are other systems in our body that operate below the realm of conscious thought. These automatic functions are regulated by the autonomic nervous system, which you can conceptualize as a “control center” for many of the automatic functions of the body.
These automatic functions do things like keep us breathing, digest our food, and help us hold our pee. They also impact the way we feel, think, and act.
Stephen Porges, MD coined the term Neuroception to describe when our nervous system detects and responds to cues before we have cognitive awareness of them.
To understand Neuroception, imagine a time that you were startled. Your body likely responded physically before your cognition (thoughts) caught up. You didn’t have to tell your body to tense up, or to change your breath - your body did it automatically. And after you experienced the automatic “state change” in response to what you encountered, your thinking brain created a story that explains the implicit (below the level of consciousness) sensations, feelings, impulses etc. that you felt.
These types of automatic moments happens all the time (sometimes more subtly, sometimes more intensely), and our autonomic nervous system is constantly learning how it should respond based on what we encounter, how we respond to it, and the way things unfold after we encounter it.
In summary, things that happened in the past impact and shape how we react and make sense of our present, and things that are happening now shape how we act and understand our future.
These patterns impact so much about how we move through the world- how we connect with others (or don’t), our general state of being (do we feel shut down? social? safe? ready to fight or flee?), our behaviors (what we do), our feelings (and how we’re managing them), and how we generally react when we’re navigating the world.
SOOO, LETS TALK ABOUT WHAT THIS MEANS IN PANDEMIC-TIME.
Our brain is driven - before all else - by the task of survival.
The reason your brain has all these automatic functions is because it is trying to help you manage risk, keep you safe, and create patterns of connection with safe people. (Thank you, brain).
But, here is the thing: things are pretty complicated for our brains right now.
Our brains are able to respond to things below our level of conscious awareness because they’re constantly scanning the world around us for danger and shifts. Our brains look for changes, reads the state/affect/stress levels of those around us, and work hard to make sense of the input it encounters.
And, usually, this is TREMENDOUSLY helpful. But right now, your brain is OVERWHELMED. Everywhere it looks and scans it receives notifications of changes, and interacts with other stressed out people on high-alert, and it is struggling to keep up.
This is why you’re exhausted.
Your brain normally sees a threat, and initiates some response protocols to keep you safe, move you away from danger, or to help shift the risk you’re facing.
We learn to bridge the gap between our implicit responses (the sensations, feelings, and impulses) we experience and our explicit response (the things we knowingly choose to do) - and this helps us to make informed and intentional decisions about how we navigate through the world.
And most of us are pretty okay at extinguishing risk and safety issues, and soothing our body back into a state of regulation. But, right now, your brain is constantly picking up on things around it that are sending the messages to be on high alert. And when you get your thinking brain involved, your thinking brain can’t counter a whole lot of that response. Because, well, the reality is that there is a lot of threat in the world around us right now, and a lot of uncertainties.
To make things more complicated, usually, when we scan the environment, and our brain picks up threats repeatedly, the brain shifts focus. Instead of spending energy scanning as often, it directs all its energy to addressing the threat.
But, your brain gets stuck here, too. Because it is hard for your brain to see the pathway that you can take to actually address the things that your brain is picking up on right now. Because, realistically, besides getting jabbed, staying home, and being safe - there is a lot out of our control here. And because of all of these factors, you may have gone into a state of mobilization (fight/flight/flee), or you may also gone into a state of immobilization and a feeling of being frozen during this pandemic period.
Neither of which feels that great.
So….what do I do?
The answer is complex. But here are a few things to keep in mind:
Actively create “counter” experiences in your life. Give your brain moments of regulation and intentionally send signals of safety. Curl up under your favorite blanket. Do a guided meditation. Drink your favorite tea. Call a friend that makes you smile. These things seem small, but doing what you can to send your brain signals that it is safe is important, and helps balance things out and give your brain moments of rest and recovery.
Name patterns as you see them unfolding. Our brain responds to things automatically, and we then make meaning about it and create our stories. Labeling what is happening can help us to evaluate the story we’re telling ourselves and whether we want to keep it. For example, if a specific type of panic in the past was connected to thoughts of helpless, when those panic sensations arise again, your brain may automatically connect them to thoughts and feelings of helplessness and enact “helplessness” patterns associated with the sensations. If you can name this: “I’m feeling that panic, and that is bringing up feelings and patterns of helplessness related to past experiences,” it sometimes frees us to slow the automatic nature of that pattern and evaluate how we can shape the pattern, and may give you information about what you need. . (For example, if that panic brings up feelings of helplessness, are there things you could do counter feelings of helplessness and provide your body/mind some areas where it can feel competent and capable.
Hold on, and go back to the basics. Many of us know the basic coping skills, but lose track of doing them. When things are HARD, make sure to lean back into them. Feed yourself, stay hydrated, draw, practice breathing, call a friend, distract yourself…. whatever works for you. Coping in crisis is key.
Give yourself credit for what you ARE doing. Many of us are used to doing ALL THE THINGS, and we can feel really ineffective right now. It is easy to discount the things you ARE doing when we’re in places like this. So make sure you pay attention and give yourself credit for what you are doing. That stuff DOES count. When your nervous system is WIPED, your brain is going to direct energy to the necessities, which means that things sometimes fall to the side. It won’t be like this forever.
Stay informed, but make an intentional plan around how you consume news. It is easy to get locked into news scrolling, especially right now. Our brains are looking for answers to try to soothe the nervous system, but news right now is often providing the opposite effect. Pick a news outlet, and see if you can sign up for their email digest of “top 5 stories,” or set an alarm to limit your news-reading-time. (And, follow “good news” sites to read content that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Your brain needs that input right now.
Reach out for help. This is intense stuff to be sorting through. And like I noted earlier, your past experiences are influencing your present experiencing of this reality. Which means that past trauma, past stressors, and past patterns are influencing how you’re responding now. Unpacking that with someone who is qualified is truly irreplaceable.
I’ll roll out some more blogs on this topic as I’m able. I hope this is helpful!
If you want to dive into some more nervous system basics, check out a course here!
-Lacy