One Bump Away: Understanding the Legacy of Trauma
As a child, I spent many afternoons replaying the same two vinyl records on the dusty gramophone that sat shoved into the corner of my first home's den. There weren’t many options, so I switched back and forth between One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater and Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, the songs with the catchiest tunes on their respective records.
A while back, when preparing a training about what happens in the brain when we experience trauma, I reflected on something a professor once mentioned in graduate school, and dove into how apt of a metaphor records are for the way that we develop patterns and recall trauma experiences in our brains and bodies.
I’ll explain:
Like a 45 played over and over again, repeated experiences wear a metaphoric groove into the brain. This groove signifies the same thing that it does on the record —that this song (pattern) has been visited and re-visited frequently.
Since most of us don’t use record players so often anymore, there are a few things you should know to make this metaphor really work:
Regardless of what song you’re playing, if a record player is bumped or jostled, the needle is likely to skip from wherever it currently is into the deeper groove (old pattern), jumping to play that most-played song (re-enact the most common pattern).
AND, even if you pick a song that isn’t your most-played-song, when it ends - the needle is likely to hop back over to the deepest groove to again replay that most-played song.
So what does this mean?
For people who’ve had a lot of good experiences, this is great news! The deepest grooves reflect “songs” of safety, support, and security. If the needle jumps over to play the song with the deepest groove, it has a good chance of being a pleasant one. And, even if it isn’t, the positive songs are likely to prevail and dominate the soundtrack.
On the other hand, if you’ve experienced sustained trauma, your most familiar songs may be rooted in deep pain. They may be linked to the mobilization pattern of “fight, flight, or freeze,” and they may be connected to sadness, anger, shame, hurt, or abuse. Being unexpectedly and repeatedly “bumped” into these familiar-and-hard - songs is far from ideal.
If you have a complex trauma history (or know someone who does), you may be familiar with the seemingly sudden shifts in mood and affect that can pop up unannounced and drop you back into states of fight/flight/freeze. And you may also know how much work and intention it takes to actively create patterns and to intentionally construct the new pathways while resisting being pushed back into the old.
So, what do we do with this information? Great question! Here are four things to keep in mind:
Stabilize and shore up: If you put a record player in the back of a truck and drive down a bumpy dirt road, it is highly likely that your needle won’t stay put. Similarly, if you know you’re going to be in a highly stressful environment, or dealing with something that is tough - be prepared that your needle may skip to your “trauma song.” Consider the things that you might be able to do in order to stabilize your system in advance (when possible). For people with complex trauma histories, it can sometimes feel like they’re driving down a bumpy dirt road all the time, no matter what they do. And sometimes we need to use a bumpy road to get where we’re going. While the goal may be playing a new song, sometimes, the solution isn’t as obvious…and we may need to put shocks on the truck, stabilize the record player table, or blaze a new unknown path. The more we can emotionally regulate ourselves, recognize what is happening, hold compassion for the process, and resource into our strengths - the better.
Identify triggers: Work to identify and recognize situations that will be hard for you. This may sometimes be easy and obvious, and other times, you may have to do some sleuthing to get to the bottom of how you ended up with your trauma song stuck on repeat. Just because you associate something with a negative experience now doesn't mean it will stay that way forever, especially once you understand what is cuing up the trauma song and are able to tackle it head on. Externalizing the internal (naming patterns and automatic reactions that are happening subconsciously) is hugely important in shifting away from automatic trigger patterns.
Recognize when your needle has skipped: Sometimes, this will be obvious (hello, flashback), and other times it won’t be as clear. Learn to identify the signs that you’ve entered a replaying of your trauma song. This will help you identify causes and risk-factors, and will help you develop a game plan for getting back to the other music.
Celebrate new patterns: As you experience new patterns and different outcomes, it means that you’re playing new songs on your personal record. As you continue to have non-traumatic experiences, healthy connections, and successful moments of coping - those grooves get deeper and deeper, and will eventually overtake the trauma song as the deepest groove. Celebrate the wins and victories, and don’t forget that change doesn’t happen overnight. The trauma song got there through hundreds of repetitions, and sometimes years of experience. It won’t necessarily take as long to undo, since you’re putting intentional cognitive awareness behind it - but it will take some practice. Whenever you can, take time to enjoy the other music.
Want to learn more about the nervous system, trauma, recognizing your patterns and changing them? Check out this training.